Sunday, March 25, 2007
on time
saturday night.weeee! just bathed and brushed my teeth.
my day has just started
week12's weekends is dull when im not going out to have fun. staying at home to contemplate my future. what do i really want for myself? and what do i need to do to make things right. isnt it a lil too late to needle down my plans at this point of time? especially when everyone's asking: so what's your plan? /how's your application? /
which probably means, they already had theirs action!
work.
i have a colleague, she came into IAT-Asia as receptionist a week after i reported work. she's amelia. there was an afternoon when i didnt went out for lunch and went to her recept desk and asked if i could borrow her internet connection for a while, she's readily smiled at me and replied why not? i couldnt access into the internet using my notebook as the IT had restricted the system. so, i was sharing with her some of my plans and so on while was browsing through those poly courses. ever since that day, everytime she sees me, she would ask: ''have you applied for your school yet?''
i wasnt irritated by her. i like her. so i made it a point today, to at least apply one of the choices i have intended. and all i need to do now is to pray hard.
two more undone actions on my plan list to be done.
i hate stressing myself. yet things are all alined ready for me to get them settled. GRRROAR
on friday, i dont know whatever had overhauled me and i was feeling my lousiest mood ever. i just felt that they were maybe more than just being friendly and or tolerating me! i seriously think im insane to think of them this way, ok. im just being too highly sensitive and immatured and stupid. but then again i shouldnt really bothered wad.
ok so, i wont be bothered.
i miss john's company; at that point of time! at least there would be someone i can drown him with my shits and then he would probably say; you're thinking too much. in a helpful way, it will stop me from thinking anymore. and i know he will certainly have crappy things to add on and soon we will be crapping together on some silly shits.
and after all, i never think we were close. we just didnt like the idea of breathing in to awkward dead silence together right? thats what i think
on and off, working there has been great especially with numerous humorous colleagues.
changes. (changes have been made to protect the interest of involving parties)
best friend: i hope you are still the one i know
me: should be around the same, what about you?
best friend: IM STILL THE SAME!
me: HOW CAN THAT BE?!
one of my hidden fears used to be when someone tells me this: hey i think you'd changed. then i would get paranoid with myself over and over again because im afraid of myself that im no longer what people perceived me as before. or maybe, i couldnt recognise myself at present now. believe me, people dont make changes anyhow. and i believe those changes they made are usually prior to reasons for good, and or better living and to one self, they seem changes as improvement. or so, the changes are made to comprehend all those around them or in either way, to make themselves feel good.
sis was browsing through her secondary school friends friendster profiles, and she sounded quite amazed at the rate of changes her classmates had been through. she was commenting at how one of her classmates started dressing in scantily cloth. and i remarked that her friend has a nice bod.
anyhow, i have been thinking that actually everyone changes, whether consciously or semi-consciously or sub-consciously. to address the previous note, so long as someone dresses accordingly to their preference and they are fine with it, what is your problem? ok. im a lil unhappy when my best friend told me over msn that i have became more girly. and i got her to define the word 'girly'. she asked if i was wearing a skirt in the neoprint.
how does it feel like whenever you are walking towards the gate of your house, and someone keeps calling you back? i mean, you are making changes to yourself whether you know it anot, then you have friends not acknowledging these changes and keep saying you have became this this that, or you never liked this this that, or since when you this this that, or i never knew one day you would this this that. then will you hestitate for a while before marking a step out from your friends' comment?
if only everyone is ignorant of changes around them. hm. think about it, well, it depends too!
i always feel so that everyday, everyone's growing and learning as well; (?) new discoveries/ new interests/ new mindsets/ bout themselves and do whatever it is necessary to suit them, well isnt that so?
i mean, changes are good! period (:
life.
in anyhow, have you ever feel that your virgina can be tight on some days? heh
somehow, i wished we never looked back. you dont look back. i was so determined to my new life and there it happened that i have to see your shadow everywhere. at times, you turned your back against me so coldly making me hate you even as a friend. hence, i grew so strong and free all on my own. then you decide to pop back and surprise us? we are friends for holy sake, dont be so hostile to me and question me back when i pointed out that you were unfriendly. i hope we will never meet again. really.
i want a pony tail on my hair! its really funny when i headed down to a saloon and snipped away 3/5 length of my hair, and now looking at the mirror everyday, i think im wearing a brown wig. and i hate it so. heh
when is the last time you feel like falling in love?
when was the last time you kissed someone?
i figured out that the best cure for heartbroken ones is to pretend you never got your heart broken! pretend to be happy and soon, you will be real happy. looking back, you will realise that actually there's nothing worth to be upset about.
im feeling slightly gay now. heh
consume chocolates before making love, everyone (:
HAVE A NICE WEEKEND FRIENDS
left to seek for more fun